Mental Health

I want to die.

It’s better this way.

To save my relationship, it’s better to bottle things in and not burden him anymore.

I don’t want to be triggered.

Neither do I want to trigger him.

 

 

How can I be so weak…?

Crying when I’m supposed to be studying

I’m so tired I feel like dying.

I can’t find motivation anymore…

I’ve been trying so hard to be strong, so hard to hold on,

But I can’t anymore.

I thought I will not have any suicidal thoughts anymore but no…

I really want to die.

Can I just jump down…

Will I be brave enough to do so?

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Mental Health

I can’t.

I’ve been anxious this past week or so and it’s getting worse, especially when I have asthma.

I’ve been trying to cope on my own, thinking that I will feel better enough to study after my shower but nope.

I got triggered and everything just crumbled in front of my eyes.

I was holding on so hard but who knew that someone so special could have pierced you right into your heart with a rusty sword…

And trying to pull your brain out of your skull.

I don’t need any more worries.

I don’t need¬†any more pressure.

Don’t “try and remind” me about “how I have to deal with this in the future” and “need me to do something about it”.

Why are you so rude?

Adding fuel to fire is your forte I believe?

That’s it.

My walls are built high now.

Telling you what I’ve been feeling hoping you understand and care is my biggest mistake.

Don’t. Blame. Me.

My Daily Life., Plant-Based

Foods that I eat in my journey to a plant-based diet

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If you’re vegetarian, Indian cuisine will be your best friend. However, it is difficult for vegans especially when they love to use yoghurt in their cooking!
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I made Nasi Goreng Indonesian style with the vegetarian seaweed crunch for flavour and spiciness and oh boy, it tasted beautiful!
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This is my Green Curry noodles without the coconut milk (I didn’t have enough money to get one haha), but I love the taste and erm ya, I put too much of cayenne pepper. It’s spicier than you think xD
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Went to Nando’s with mom and got a veggie burger instead! I requested for no yoghurt but I checked and I believed they didn’t follow my request. Pfft. Anyway, ate it all up.
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This is my favourite go-to Vegan Ban Mian at the Kopitiam (hawker centre) near my house because it tastes so good! I love the seaweed seasoning added into the noodles and how satisfying I feel after I’ve gobbled everything up!
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Decided to try “tuna” chickpeas and man, I really should make it in bulks and keep ’em in the fridge so that I can eat it whenever I want! It will be nice if there’s vegan mayo, tho!

So far it’s been okay-ish until yesterday, I faced difficulties getting vegan food when I met mom for dinner. The place that we went is a Chinese-Muslim restaurant BUT THERE WERE NO VEGAN OPTIONS! And it pissed me off because all of the vegetarian dishes are mixed with either shrimp paste, fish sauce or salted egg. I was so stressed, I ended up getting Hotplate Beancurd. I asked if there’s meat and the waitress said yes. So I requested without chicken and she said, “vegetarian ah?” and I said ya.

And it pissed me off because all of the vegetable dishes are mixed with either shrimp paste, fish sauce or salted egg. I was so stressed, I ended up getting Hotplate Beancurd. I asked if there’s meat and the waitress said yes. So I requested without chicken and she said, “vegetarian ah?” and I said ya.

I was so stressed, I ended up getting Hotplate Beancurd. I asked if there’s meat and the waitress said: “Yes, chicken”. So I requested without chicken and she said, “vegetarian ah?” and I said ya.

Guess what?

It was served with prawns and fish cakes. I was really frustrated. How can you even say it is vegetarian when there was seafood? It’s stupid because most vegetarians in Singapore are not only Indians but Chinese, yet, how can you even think prawns and fish cakes are vegetarian?

I was really infuriated.

How can you even say it is vegetarian when there was seafood? It’s stupid because most vegetarians in Singapore are not only Indians but Chinese, yet, how can you even think prawns and fish cakes are vegetarian?

So instead, I gave them to mom and just gobble everything up, despite realising there must be oyster sauce in the gravy.

Well, I tried my best.

But…

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. Everything went perfectly well the past few days but meh.

I guess this is one of the struggles I have to face in my journey to a plant-based diet…

 

Plant-Based

So far… so good?

Today’s Food Journal

  1. Hotcakes + Hashbrown
  2. Egg McMuffin w/o Cheese
  3. Salad Buffet (Rocket Salad, Spinach, Sprouts, Pickled Pineapples, Cherry Tomatoes, Raisins, Croutons + Italian Vinaigrette) + Fries with BBQ Sauce and Chilli Sauce

Although it is not a full vegan day, I’m happy that today I get to eat at least vegetarian!
At least I tried my best to get whatever I can, right?

 

 

 

My Daily Life., Plant-Based

Thinking of transitioning…

I’ve always had interest in vegetarianism and veganism.

I’ve tried the pescetarian diet for 3 -4months.

I’ve tried the vegetarian diet for 1 month during last yr’s Ramadhan if I’m not wrong.

And I love to have lunch/dinner with my girlfriends at vegan cafes/restaurants.

Now I’m in the middle of watching the documentary called, “What The Health”.

Knowing that boyfriend, a meat-lover, starts to get interested in veganism after watching That Vegan Couple’s reaction video to Shane Dawson, motivates me to be more plant-based.

Anyway, eating plant-based meals have definitely helped my asthma so… I might as well stick to it as much as I can!

And I will probably bring food from home? Or order some rice with veggies from the canteen in school next week when school starts again?

My snacks have always been vegan anyway so, no excuse to eat vegan in school, no?

But it will be difficult when I do go out with families and friends…

I’ll see if there are veg-options, and if there isn’t, I will stick to having fish or eggs. That would be my last resort.

Anyone of you a beginner in being plant-based?

 

Mental Health, Uni Life.

Recess Week!

It’s recess week already~ Woohoo, I can catch up on school a bit more and finish as many assignments as I can. ¬†There will be a make-up class on Wednesday and I have to go to school earlier anyway to prepare for our microteaching next week so….

I’m so happy that I’m almost done with my part for Mathematics and Numeracy assignment. I like to get things done so that I can continue with re-writing my study notes this week!

Goals for this week:

  • Complete assignments
  • Finish up writing study notes for all

LET’S DO THIS!

Uni Life.

How can one be so negative and prejudiced?

I’m not letting you bring me down

Go ahead and look down on us, because you wanna know why?

We are doing the things we love, supporting one another and striving forward

While you’re at the back, being a salty ass btch

I hate that I kept thinking about how horrible you actually are while I’m trying to remove the negativity away