Today’s class – First Lesson, Second Term


When I was on the way to work, the side effects of changing medication dosage were starting to show. I was so out of it, sleepy, in a daze, and I felt like I would nod my head to sleep and got surprised, but thankfully, none of that sort happened.

My head felt heavy and I was already lethargic despite not even working yet. The journey to work was even more rough because of how hot the weather was and how reckless the first bus driver drove (eurgh).

As soon as I entered the kindergarten, had already arrived and was signing in. I greeted him and we talked about the students in my class (3 N2 kids + 4 K1 kids).

I was given the materials, attendance and workbooks, then headed to my classroom to sort them out.

After arranging the tables and chairs for 7 students, I sat down in front, and looked through the materials and workbooks. One by one, the kids came in, some were smiling excitedly, some were a bit confused and one cried.

Of course, not all kids are the same.

The topic for today’s lesson supposed to be Mirror Image, but I managed to complete next week’s lesson as well, which is about Symmetry.

Before the class started, I told them the rules and discussed on solutions if certain conflicts and problems happen.

When all the kids seemed to understand, I started with breathing exercises; inhaling like an inflated balloon, exhaling like a deflated balloon while trying to find different seats, eyes training; shutting of eyes, widening of eyes, following instructions when covering one eye or the other, and following the pen with their eyes.

Next, I started the lesson, trying my best to explain to them mirror image. We did mirror image games by following the person in front of us like a reflection; the kids were grouped in pairs and had fun with following their partners.

I have to admit; the workbooks were not really suitable for the kids who are around 4 to 5 year olds.

Maybe if simple shapes and figures are shown, it will be easier for them to understand. And of course, it was difficult for me too.

Despite the difficulty, I strive on anyway to explain as patiently and as simply as possible, while going through the workbooks.

As soon as many have finished the workbooks, one kid exclaimed, “Now I know what you meant, teacher!

That really touched my heart, but I became anxious again when I realised I had to find things to do with them next week since the workbooks have been completed.

I’ll be finding worksheets and games about Symmetry, which is suitable for 4 to 5 year olds, for the next week.

Wish me luck!





p/s: I honestly hope I have a better sleep tonight! My eyes have been so heavy the whole day zzzzz


Brief to-do list for Math Olympiad Class this afternoon.

  1. Arrange chairs and tables so it is easier to check and correct their works.
  2. Drink water while looking through the laminated materials, sorting them out to match the workbook pages.
  3. Take attendance.
  4. Play the AAB Pattern Song a few times and dance with the kids. OR
  5. Play simple Mathematical games.
  6. Set the rule, what to do and what not to do.
  7. Give out the workbooks and go through one by one, making sure all the kids have completed, before moving on to the next question.
  8. When everything is done, mark the workbooks and make sure they keep them in the files/bags.
  9. If there are some time left, do further pattern games to make the kids familiarise with completing patterns.


G gave me this a while ago about today’s lesson:

Hopefully all will be well later! A bit anxious, just like how I am every time before every class, but I believe I can do it!


Islam, Mental Health

Bipolar +Ramadan = ?

Good morning everyone!

My body had been aching the whole night because of the cold from the fan, and I finally found out the root of the cause in my obvious manic symptoms since early June.

I realised that during fasting, I would always have to wake up at 4am+ to have my suhoor, the last meal before I started fasting as soon as the sun rose.

I didn’t think that it would affect my moods and energy, because I thought it would be fine as long as I have a total of 7-8 hours of sleep, despite the sleep being disturbed in a way.

It just occurred to me this morning as I woke up to go to the toilet at 6am, that it may be the reason why. I felt there was a lightbulb that appeared out of my head as soon as that thought came to my mind.

I then googled to see if there were others who struggled the same as I did, and it turned out, that many Muslims who have mental illness, tend to relapse during Ramadan.

It makes sense since normal people get irritable and moody during that month, what more those who are struggling mentally?

Even bipolar patients who have stable lithium levels were reported to have manic symptoms during Ramadan.

Patients can choose not to fast especially when fasting can affect their mental health, risking their lives at the end of the day.

Instead, they have to feed one hungry person a day that they couldn’t fast. That was what I read from an Ustaz, and I honestly don’t know how to handle it again next year.

I know suhoor is important during Ramadan because it helps to give you energy throughout the day, so skipping suhoor is not going to be an option for me.

I’m already worrying about next year’s Ramadan when it’s not even December 2017.

I hope I will get a definite answer that will help me not only spiritually but mentally as well.
And whatever decision I make for next year’s Ramadan onwards, I pray that everything will be well. InsyaAllah.


First class for the new term.

After a month of not working due to June holidays (and I was lucky because I didn’t have to work during fasting in Ramadan), tomorrow will be the first class of a new term.

Graham told me that instead of handling the older group, aged 5 to 6 years old, like previously, I will be handling the younger ones, aged 3 to 4 years old, instead.

I’m feeling a bit nervous because it’s been a while, but I know I have to get things straight before tomorrow.

  1. I need to find out how to do the actions for the new AAB Pattern song, that will be played during the start of every lesson now.
  2. I have to make sure I go through the rules after the song, and before I start my lesson. (Respect teachers, respect friends, study hard. Hands should be up when they want to ask questions, hands should be on themselves and not on others, eyes should be on the front.)
  3. Since I will be handling the younger students, I have to slow down a bit and go through the materials together, as they write down their answers.


I think that’s all for now. Because my bae is on the phone and I’m distracted. (I love you though)


Bipolar + Muslim = ?

We’re living in a world where hate is almost everywhere, the terrorist terrorising innocent victims, the hateful ignorant scums terrorising the innocent victims that they assumed as terrorists…

Being a Muslim with Bipolar Disorder in today’s world just gives me extreme anxiety, especially when I ‘ve been planning to move to Australia in the near future.

I’ve seen and read of Muslims being harassed, beaten and abused just because of a senseless violent group that chooses to resort in violence by putting Islam’s name in vain, when none of their shit is Islamic, honestly.

Attacking people, including children and women, for political and radical reason, with misquoting Quranic verses?

They don’t realise that they actually look like fools especially to us, Muslims.

Heck, the biggest victim of these morons are actually Muslims in the Middle East.

My heart aches when many mistook us for the ones carrying the swords, when in fact, the swords are actually pointed at us.

ISIS, Al Qaeda, JI, whatever their names will be, have a common goal: To create fear and separation between non-Muslims and Muslims.
The more separated we are from each other, the more pleased they will be, the happier and easier they will be to attack us.

But, the more united we are together regardless of race, language or religion, they can never get through us.

I’m actually grateful that I’m living in Singapore, a multicultural country with extremely tight security.

Everyone is always on the watch, and clueless youths who have been brainwashed by the ISIS’s social media platforms, have been efficiently caught by the police, especially when they were so blatant to fly to Syria to join the morons there, believing the ‘caliphate’ to be true. (Oh if only you can see how many times I rolled my eyes while typing this entry!)

If only I can shout out to the world that they don’t, didn’t and will never represent Islam. They are just rotten apples that don’t deserve to be born in the first place.
Yes, it is actually true that we Muslims are against terrorism, radicalism and extremism.

The media might not show the protest and condemnation made by Muslims against extremism, but trust me, we are sick of these idiots creating a ruckus everywhere.

So to clear everything up…

Yes, I do have bipolar disorder.
Yes, I do have dreams to be a full-time pre-school teacher.
Yes, I have hobbies, like eating, singing, reading.
I’m a Singaporean Muslim and I’m just like everyone else with aspirations and dreams.
And I’m not a terrorist.

With that, I’m going to end this post with Quranic verses that negates extremism,

Oh People of the Book, don’t go extreme in your religion…”
-Surah An-Nisa’: 171

“There is no compulsion in religion.”
-Al-Baqarah: 256

“And say, ‘The truth is from your Lord, so whosoever wants let him believe and whosoever wants let him deny.”
-An-Nahl: 29

Mental Health

Hello beautiful earthlings.

It’s been quite a long time since the last I actually blogged to share my feelings and thoughts. Before this, I had been using Tumblr for my one and only blog, until I realised that I have not been using it as religiously as before.

I was also into journaling for a while until I stopped myself.

Whenever I read back my previous entries in my journal, I got anxious and kept asking myself, “If the public eye were to see this, what would one feel or think?”, “This is so lame and disgusting, why would I even feel this way? This is unacceptable” and other judgmental remarks made by myself for myself.

I judged myself too much, to the extent that I forced myself not to write or even type my feelings out.

However, today is a new day, a different one indeed. I decided to get back into penning my thoughts down after my recent check-up with my psychiatrist 2 days ago.

I remember waiting for my number to be called, worry-free, because I believed I was 100% fine, stable and able to manage my symptoms well.

But of course, that wasn’t the case.

I totally forgot how big of a deal it actually is to have racing thoughts for weeks, along with hearing the construction noises before sleep.

Even though I felt tired, but my mind had been as energised as ever (just like how I’m feeling right now as I typed).

So what happened was, the psychiatrist had to change the dosage of my medications.

My usual medications were: 600mg of Lithium, 100mg of Quetiapine.

After the change, I have to take 800mg of Lithium and 50mg of Quetiapine, instead.

The goal, as said by the psychiatrist, was to lower down the Quetiapine to remove it completely after 3 months or so, and manage my manic symptoms by increasing the dose of Lithium.

How have I been feeling so far, you may ask?

My thoughts raced even when I was sleeping, I had disturbed sleeps, and I have been feeling extremely lethargic but awake at the same time.

I know it will take a few weeks for my medications to work, but I hope I am strong enough to go through this phase.

And I hope that you will learn not to give up easily as well!

Before I forget, this blog is not only a sacred place where I’ll be sharing my journey in recovery, but also my journey to become a certified Early Childhood Teacher.

I will be starting university in 2 weeks’ time, and I wished to jot every single thing that will be happening down in my blog, be it struggles or victories, so that I can refer back to the entries in the future (since I’m getting more forgetful because of my medications).

To my beautiful readers, I hope that this humble blog of mine can be an inspiration. I will end my post with this beautiful quote,

“Let today be the day you stop living within the confines of how others define or judge you.”