I’m always there for my friends when they need someone to talk to
I’m always willing to listen to them, to be there for them
But will they be there for me when I’m facing issues?
I feel like I kept bottling things inside because I don’t recognise the significance of every problem
“Oh I’m feeling this way? Ah it’s okay nothing is going to happen” *bottle it inside*
“Why am I thinking this way? Ah I should distract myself” *do other things and bottle it inside*
It keeps on adding on until I feel lethargic.
I’m emotionally and physically tired.
I’ve not been tackling the issue or be mindful about it, hence, the issues bite me back.
I have a lot of assignments and my practicum will be during study break and we don’t know where we’re going to and apparently, one of our exam dates fall on one of the practicum day.
– How are we supposed to study for exam when we don’t have the time to study?
– This is so unfair because those who’ve done their practicum will have their study break free.
-And oh did I tell you that practicum will be on the week of Eid? And I will be having chalet before and after Eid for a few days to celebrate. Celebrate? I don’t think I will have the mood to celebrate to begin with!
-Why is WM not doing her job properly? If she started contacting school before trimester starts, this won’t happened. There won’t be a postpone in practicum. And we have to suffer because of her mistake? What unfair treatment is this!
– If she’s already like this for a small practicum, what more for my final practicum?! I Guess I have to alert her at least 6 months before the final practicum and constantly email her biweekly for updates so that she’ll do her work properly.
– After practicum , we have to do our portfolio. You see if we know the school already, we can start writing our portfolio but no, we have no clue. WM said there’s no confirmation yet. 😒 Really?
– And Ms Grace said to give us the opportunity to set up a date to replace the practicum day that’s on the same day as the exam with our supervising teacher. I’m tired of any further changes and waiting. Why don’t you just standardise everything and get it over and done with?! Why make things more difficult? Change the exam date since it’s just a draft timetable anyway!
Nyai is sick and she’s been coughing a bit as well as losing her voice.
– What if she gets pneumonia again and have to be sent to the hospital? Touch on wood.
– What if history repeats itself again? Touch on wood.
– I don’t want to lose her again. Touch on wood.
– Why is this negative energy lurking around Nyai when it is Ramadan it’s supposed to be a holy month?
– Will she get better with cough syrup and 100 Plus for electrolytes? I mean she’s still eating she has appetite alhamdulillah!
– I feel that we can at least send her to Dr Ramesh when her health deteriorates… What if her health deteriorates? Touch on wood.
– I’m scared of losing her. I don’t know how I can handle that. I can’t live without her.
***
Friends always come to me when they have problems but when I have problems, I bottle things in. But on a positive note, I’m grateful to have Khairul by my side. Although I’m afraid that I will affect him badly and that I’m just a burden…
Things I need to do now:
– Let go and let God. God knows what’s best for me and we’ve done our best by emailing WM and cc-ing to Ms Grace. I will just let Him deal with this and I shall continue to pray for a way.
– Breathe and replacing good thoughts/affirmations with the bad thoughts of Nyai.
- Nyai is well.
- Nyai is in good hands.
- Nyai is healthy and strong.
- God is forever protecting and healing Nyai.
- God is the Healer of all healers.
- Nyai is healed.
– I will continue to pray and bow down to God. I will focus on my fasting, my deeds, my prayers, reciting of the Quran and taraweeh during this Ramadan.
– Ramadan is giving me good results in terms of physically so I will aim to not overindulge and focus on worshiping. And then I will maintain my weight by intermittent fasting after that!
Inhale Love | Exhale Fear 